how can i not talk to him for days..

how can i have dealt with someone who mentally beat me up...

how can ignore the distance...


and still not get over him. i am soo tired of thinking about him everyday.

i'm fucking going crazy right now. i hate not having complete closure with a guy i dated for two years.

sorry i keep whining about it. but its really hurting alot right now..

i just really fucking need a hug right now. and i fucking hate my friends for not fucking caring or doing anything about it. i really need someone to help me right now...

today is a good day. i realized i dont have many friends cause i dont know too many fast witted people. and if i do, most of them are assholes, so i have to find the assholes that get along with me.

heres some of the things i think about my friends..

such as, erin. she's the nicest person in the world and i love her alot as a friend. she's my favorite person ever! and she can also be mean! which is very funny and amusing cause she realizes that when i'm mean, i'm really just joking. which is why most people hate me, cause my humor is really sarcastic or mean, but i dont mean it most of the time. give me some courage juice and it'll show my true nice girly side. erin is pretty, is awesome, and is 1 in a bajilioon octillion. i'm lucky to have her as a friend. other people need to realize that though..

also, matty. he's a big jerk. but he's also a big sweetheart. i have nothing ever bad to say about maatty. he's #1 guy crush at the moment, even though i'll never date him, i give up kudos for being awesome.

nathan! nathan is a big lovey ball of lovey and emotion, ahaha. I'm soo sad he's far away. I wish i could hang out with him all the damn time. He's a big sweetheart, the only problem is that when he's sad he needs alot of attention, which i'm fine with giving...but he's sad all the time. and i'm usually distracted or busy, so i feel bad for not talking to him constantly.

bob is a great friend. i think whenever i hang out with bob i accidentally start talking with a lower voice. kind of like some people when they hang out with foreign people, they start talking with an accent. anyways, i love bob. i like her perspective on things, which always makes me feel better about things when i hang around her. i like people that make me feel good just by being near em you know? bob is funny, and i just like the way she acts. and she's pretty. bastard.

christine, none of you people know unless you live in my town. she's very funny. and always makes me feel insanely funny when i talk. she always laughs at what i have to say or says something that makes another joke off of what i said. she's very sarcastic and an ass sometimes but thats why our friendship has lasted almost over 4 years now. just on a slower note.

and the reason i used to get along with donald was cause he was pretty fast witted too, i used to just be nice to him, but my rude humor would slip out and he'd take it the wrong way. after a while he got the jist of it. but then went crazy or something? i dont know. don was fun to get along with, fun to talk about shit with and whatnot. but he went shitzo. so that relationship of any sort is completely over. ahah.

also, casey. she's the nicest girl in the world. pisses me off sometimes. she's nice all over. on the board, on the phone, in person, on myspace. drives me crazy. but the nice girl deep deep inside of me, enjoys casey alot. the girly girl in me makes me wanna hang out and be pretty and wear makeup all the time and be all..girly when i hang out with casey. and when casey is rude sometimes, makes me happy. and its fun to shit talk people with her. wwith our creative minds combined...we'd be a great serial killer duo. ..and yeah, she's very quick witted too. which makes me happy.

anyways, i have to clean. i put blue in my hair..in place of the pink that faded.. before:

after: mew mew mew mew

wow don, mature mature. omgzz you talk about me on livejournal i'm soo angry at you now im gunna leave comments about you saying you're ugly! now im gunna go hang out with all my friends in the cool club and drink and party! yeah i'm low for feeling like shit after a guy breaks up with me. jesus christ, i thought i was moody. hey just a warning for you girls out there, don is fucking schitzo. OH NO I SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HIM WATCHOUT. ahahah what an asshole. thats what i get for taking an ignorant lil boys virginity, eh?

xmittensXcorex69 (2:21:45 PM): they party every night pretty much



Miss Toy Scout (2:21:50 PM): make out with anybody



Miss Toy Scout (2:21:58 PM): eh eh



xmittensXcorex69 (2:22:12 PM): nope



xmittensXcorex69 (2:22:14 PM): there was a cute girl though



xmittensXcorex69 (2:22:17 PM): not my type



Miss Toy Scout (2:22:21 PM): thats nice



Miss Toy Scout (2:22:23 PM): why do i ask this shit



Miss Toy Scout (2:22:25 PM): fuckin hell



xmittensXcorex69 (2:22:34 PM): im just being honest that she's cute



Miss Toy Scout (2:22:41 PM): thats nice



Miss Toy Scout (2:22:45 PM): you dont have to repeat it



Miss Toy Scout (2:22:52 PM): i get it, you like other girls



Miss Toy Scout (2:22:52 PM): good job



xmittensXcorex69 (2:22:58 PM): yup



Miss Toy Scout (2:23:02 PM): augh



Miss Toy Scout (2:23:18 PM): you dont have to tell me that shit, i mean i get it . you moved on and could give lesser than a shit about me



Miss Toy Scout (2:23:28 PM): but i havent really done that well so augh



xmittensXcorex69 (2:23:44 PM): sorry



Miss Toy Scout (2:23:55 PM): i just dont understand you



Miss Toy Scout (2:23:59 PM): i dont understand it at all



Miss Toy Scout (2:24:21 PM): like you broke up with me CAUSE you wouldnt have time for that kind of shit



Miss Toy Scout (2:24:32 PM): and now you dont have a job so you're fucking going out and hanging out with people and getting drunk



Miss Toy Scout (2:24:40 PM): but apparently i would be extra work even though you can do all that shit



xmittensXcorex69 (2:24:55 PM): okay renee



xmittensXcorex69 (2:24:58 PM): stop talking to me



xmittensXcorex69 (2:24:59 PM): please



xmittensXcorex69 (2:25:04 PM): you bitch more than anyone i know



Miss Toy Scout (2:25:14 PM): YOUU BROKE UP WITH ME OF COURSE I'LL BE FUCKING HURT



Miss Toy Scout (2:25:15 PM): YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE



xmittensXcorex69 (2:25:19 PM): okay



Miss Toy Scout (2:25:24 PM): 2 FUCKING YEARS YOU SHIT ON ME



Miss Toy Scout (2:25:38 PM): I have every right to fucking bitch



Previous message was not received by xmittensXcorex69 because of error (2:25:38 PM): User xmittensXcorex69 is not available.

drawn before i came home. before i was broken up with, actually. me right after i ripped dons jaw off. colored in yesterday. okay i was told it doesnt look exactly like him, less hair, thinner eyebrows, smaller nose and less acne from what you're all used to. clearly that day i wasnt mad enough to make this look completely accurate.

doodled by me. i've decided its MY face. i thought that when i made it. if i didnt have skin on my face. i would hope that is what it would look like. i have much more to color, my friends.

okay. dear asians/moms, next time you are about to get into your car, make sure your kid isnt fucking stupid and doesnt start to walk into the side of my car while i back up. dont fucking slap my car as if i can control your kid being a fucking dumbass. get your retard on a leash, they make those now, you know.

somebody hug me. my cat is tired of me constantly hugging her.

i am soo sick of being taken for granted.
i am soo sick of don being an emotional schitzo. you know what don? fuck you. i'd rather be single then have to deal with you constantly flip flopping your feelings for me. i'm not some puppy who is going to come back to you even if you make me feel like shit.
but whatever, our relationship was doomed, we got in pesty little fights over nothing, we made fun of eachother and you hated me, i never sank to the level you did within those two months.
and now you miss me cause you're lonely? you realized you did something dumb and that i'm actually worth spending time with? OH WHOA. too fucking bad, you do that all the time. you dont fucking disrespect me cause you're 'not in the mood' to be lovey.
i am not going to get back into a relationship with you, cause all you ever did was make me feel ugly (cause you stopped complimenting me or hugging me and kissing me). you went out of your way to cheat on me because all i did was HANG OUT WITH ROSS. for one fucking day i didnt spend it waiting on your fucking ass, and you do that.

FUCK you, you selfish asshole.


post script: i always did love you, you were my everything, i kept dating you cause thats what fucking people in love do, you dont give up. OMG TECH COLLEGE IS A NEW STAGE IN LIFE I HAVE TO VENTURE IN LIFE. all this shit is your fault. you took a big part of me. aaand i'm getting it back. just not through you.

and from now on, no more journal entries about don. you dont deserve that much credit.

AHHHH MATTTTT LOVEEE

so since i can. i think i'm going to try and win matty over.

i've known him longer than i've known even don or anyone.



i dont know. just saying. he's a great person.



its about time i do something i've wanted to do..

i need to spend more time with him.



hm.:]

i really need your help guys.

please give me tips on how to get over this.

i have never been more depressed in my life.

like all the dumb emo shit is coming out of me.
and it hurts alot..

Don loving to be around his keyboard, even when its a midi and not doing anything, how cute.

Clearly, we're in an airport on July 3rd way early in the AM with no sleep.

I was very fascinated by the floor art. I forget what airport it was that we stopped off at.
i'm super officially officially officially single now. so i think im going to find a gun and shoot myself since my plan for my life has been pretty much ruined.

FUCK WISCONSIN.
FUCKING FUCK THIS PLACE.


a billion hours later....

i have an internet crush. fuck.


also.

if you're left handed. and havent told me.

tell me now.

you will recieve alot more love from me.

so we drove to bobs.
slept for 3 hours.
woke up and drove to sarahs wedding.
actually drove the wrong direction. bobquest sucks.
found out and finally went the right way.
sarahs wedding was the BEST ever. i've never had more fun at at weddding.
then we hung out with nick.
then his girlfriend hit a car.
then we went to culvers.
and then we took forever down a shady road to get to bobs house. bobquest is scary.
and then we slept for 13 hours.
bob made us breakfast. bob toast rules.
then amanda came here. we all sat outside while bob sucked on a spoon that apparently had coffee on it. but it didnt, so amanda took it away from her. cause bob is insane.
then bob made me a cheese sammich. which i really appreciate.
i think its the best when people are nice enough to make you a sammich.
i dont know why, but i really take it as a huge compliment.
i'm glad i'm at bobs house.
minus the car crash kinda thing that happened.
this sammich is really peppery.
i guess we're leaving tomarrow morning or something..

tub ring was the best i've seen them. i mean, since 03 when i first saw them, through the shows till now. best show ever.

and everyone was super nice.

and we had dinner with benn.


longest dinner in my life. almost 4 hours.

i'll admit. he's an awesome guy. i like hearing his stories.

DEAR CHICAGO AND ALL THAT CONTAINS YOU.

I WILL BE IN YOU.

IF YOU LIVE IN THE VACINITY. YOU SHOULD CONTACT ME ASAP.

714 369 7172 FOR CALLS OR TEXT CAUSE I DONT CARE I JUST WANNA SEE YOUR FACE.

OR AIM. MISSTOYSCOUT

IF I'M NOT ON THAT THEN I'M ON

LITTLEMISSURINE


BOTHER ME BOTH TILL YOU DIE. I WANNA SEE YOUR FACE.

p.s.

ever since i somehow got information that the lead singer of korn named his baby 'pirate' i've been in love with the name.

sorry to everyone that hates crazy names for babies.

but i'm seriously in love with the idea of naming a child pirate.

fuck. i want to change MY name to pirate.


oh my god. this could be a revelation for me.


i'm going to change my name to pirate. right now.
and i'll have nothing to do with pirates.


but fuck. pirate is a great name. hi guys. i am no longer renee. i am pirate.